I only come to life when there are people watching.
I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.
You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.