I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.