I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.