When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.

I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap