I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.

What's an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle.