I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

You make me wish that birth control was retroactive.

What's an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

The show doesn't drive home a lesson, but it can open up people's minds enough for them to see how stupid every kind of prejudice can be.

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.