Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

I've been trying to get into the Royal Box in New York for years. They say I'm too dirty, my material is too blue. But I think Redd, the whites and blue can be a nice combination.

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.

This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!