Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.

It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then.

Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.