Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem.

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.