It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

That's why you have to like a guy like Charles Manson. Say what you will about Manson - he's one of the only people with the decency to look like a dangerous maniac the first time you meet him.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.