It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

You know what the average person is? Average.

I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.