Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!