Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!