Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

You know what the average person is? Average.

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.