America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.