If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?
I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!
In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.
Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.
Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.