America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

Never fry bacon when you're naked.

It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!