In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?