Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.