There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke!

You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?

There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.