There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.