Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

You know what the average person is? Average.

Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke!

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!