I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.