Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.

You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.