If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.
You know what the average person is? Average.
We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.
To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.
It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel - what are we waiting for?