Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!