Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke!

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.

Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.