Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke!

Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.