The service in L.A. is the best. You don't get sarcastic, surly, fed-up waiters and waitresses like you do in England. They're good at their job and they're there for the customer. The only depressing thing is a lot of them have written more screenplays than me.

Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that was done this year . . . by cosmetic surgeons.

Comedy is a medicine - a healing process that can help people get through difficult times and understand things better

It breaks your heart when you throw something away, but it's what left that counts. It's like worrying about the bits of rock you have knocked off in order to make a beautiful statue. You've wasted half the rock, yeah, but it's the Venus di Milo!

I'm a failed pop star. I always sneak a song into everything I do.

The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth.

I remember one review of The Office Christmas Special that compared it unfavourably to Dickens. What? You're saying I'm not as good as the greatest storyteller ever. Boo! Boo! I think I can live with that.