Where there's a will - there's a relative!

I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are.

Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

Saying atheism is a belief system is like saying not going skiing is a hobby.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.

I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.