If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

If you pay attention to good critics, you have to listen to the bad. So you have to ignore them all really. You can't just cherry pick the glowing ones.

Being on the edge isn't as safe, but the view is better

If all the Atheists & Agnostics left America, they'd lose 93% of The National Academy of Sciences & less than 1% of the prison population.

I think the job of a comedian is to make people laugh, but also challenge them to laugh at things they didn't know they could until now.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

I don't believe in about 2700 Gods. Christians don't believe in 2699 Gods. They're nearly as atheistic as me.