If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

People think "The Office" was improvised, but it's all on the page. We do that because what we found is that in the early days of "The Office," we went in with it sort of 80 percent scripted and we did some things and then we improv'd and we did - you know, and it gets a laugh on the floor because it's the first time they've heard it.

You now have the least amount of time you've ever had, to do everything you've ever wanted to do. Enjoy your life. You only get one

When someone thanks God, I don't get offended.

If all the Atheists & Agnostics left America, they'd lose 93% of The National Academy of Sciences & less than 1% of the prison population.

What will it feel like after you die? Exactly the same as it felt for those billions of years before you were born.

I fought a bear once. But it started crying, so I let it off.