If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

Do this or you’ll burn in hell.

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Whether you understand they evolved over billions of years or believe that a God made them all one afternoon, please be kind to animals.

I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.

Being an atheist makes someone a clearer thinking, fairer person. They [atheists] are not doing things to be rewarded in heaven; they're doing things because they're right, because they live by a moral code.