If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks

Remember, no one can hurt your feelings without your permission

I used to believe in God. The Christian one, that is (There are a few thousand to choose from. But I was born in a country where the dominant religion was Christianity so I believed in that one. Isn't it weird how that always happens?). Luckily I was also interested in science and nature. And reason and logic. And honesty and truth. And equality and fairness. By the age of eight I was an atheist.

Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on the computer.

I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.

That's the amazing thing about life. You can just rub it out, like a blackboard, and start again.