Do this or you’ll burn in hell.

It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying "Prove I can't fly." They'd go: "What do you mean 'Prove you can't fly'? Prove you can!"

She said, 'I'm your biggest fan,' and I said, 'Who are you?' She said, 'Paris Hilton.'

People think "The Office" was improvised, but it's all on the page. We do that because what we found is that in the early days of "The Office," we went in with it sort of 80 percent scripted and we did some things and then we improv'd and we did - you know, and it gets a laugh on the floor because it's the first time they've heard it.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

I think that's the fundamental thing - you can go anywhere you like as long as you're following a character that the audience likes and understands.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.