Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!

Try something. And never be afraid to fail. That failure is useful too. It's just another building block.

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

Growing up, the two things that made my blood boil were religious intolerance and animal cruelty. I’ve never understood it. I can’t stand to have an animal in pain.

I remember one review of The Office Christmas Special that compared it unfavourably to Dickens. What? You're saying I'm not as good as the greatest storyteller ever. Boo! Boo! I think I can live with that.

I never had a plan. I just sort of ambled along, doing exactly what I wanted every day of my life.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by mixed marriage, gay people, atheism. So what? F*** 'em.