... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.