... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.

Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?