Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.