Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.