My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

Men who write love letters don't live in this century.