My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take