My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.