I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?