I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

Cats are a waste of fur.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?