I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!