Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.