I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.