My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.