Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.