Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.