It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.