It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.