Never take candy from strangers.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.