Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.