Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.