You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.