Coffee comes in five descending stages: Coffee, Java, Jamoke, Joe, and Carbon Remover.

Almost everything about a human creature is ridiculous, except its ability to suffer bravely and die gallantly for whatever it loves and believes in. The validity of that belief, the appropriateness of that love, is irrelevant; it is the bravery and the gallantry that count.

The 3-legged stool of understanding is held up by history, languages, and mathematics. Equipped with those three you can learn anything you want to learn. But if you lack any one of them you are just another ignorant peasant with dung on your boots.

If I don’t start having service I’m going to swap you all for a dog and shoot the dog.

Money is the sincerest of all flattery. Women love to be flattered. So do men.

In ascending order the qualities of Patriotism are: 1. To work, fight, or die for your own survival. 2. To work, fight, or die for your immediate family. 3. To work, fight, or die for a group, extended family, tribe, or clan. 4. To work, fight, or die for a group too large for all the individuals to know each other. 5. To work, fight, or die for a way of life.

If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people. -- Lazarus Long.