I never knew anyone yet who got up at six who did anything more useful between that time and breakfast than banging a tennis ballup against the side of the house, waiting for the more civilized members of the party to get up.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and gold in the country at noon tomorrow and pile them on the table, you would find that you had just about one hundred dollars, with perhaps several Canadian pennies and a few peppermint Life Savers.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.