Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.

Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.

You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.

Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.

This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.

I can remember the day when all that a professor was supposed to do was to mark "C minus" on students' examination papers, then gohome to tea. Nowadays they seem to feel that they must know just how much we (outside the university) eat, what we do with our spare time, and how we like our eggs.