I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.

I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.