What is the disease which manifests itself in an inability to leave a party--any party at all--until it is all over and the lightsare being put out?... I suppose that part of this mania for staying is due to a fear that, if I go, something good will happen and I'll miss it. Somebody might do card tricks, or shoot somebody else.

It must be a source of great chagrin to those in charge to think of so many people being able to stick a stamp on a letter and drop it in a mail box without any trouble or suffering at all. They are probably working on a system this very minute, trying to devise some way in which the public can be made to fill out a blank, stand in line, consult some underling who will refer him to a superior, and then be made to black up with burned cork before they can mail a letter.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk.

There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.

The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.