This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.