This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

It is one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had, not forgetting the time when I winked at the Queen Mother in London once.

I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!

When we think back to our forefathers, with their sedentary lives of forest-chopping, railroad-building, fortune-founding, their fox-hunting and Indian taming, their prancing about in the mazurka and the polka, with their coattails flying and their bustles bouncing, to say nothing of their all-day sessions with the port and straight bourbon,... we must realize that we are a nation, not of neurasthenics, but of sissies and slow-motion sports.

All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully.