The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quoted as it stands. The average man ought to be allowed a quotation of no less than three sentences, one to make his statement and two to explain what he meant. Ralph Waldo Emerson was about the only one who could stand having his utterances broken up into sentence quotations, and every once in a while even he doesn’t sound so sensible in short snatches.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.

If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.