If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.