If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!