It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.