There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.