The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!