The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.