They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'