THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.