THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.