To exercise is human; not to is divine.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."