Dreams don't deal in time. Time doesn't count.

There's this thing called freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your home. It should be called 'homebasing'.

Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.

The only weapon we have is comedy.

Cross-country running was so beautiful with all the trails and the lake regions ... very physical and also a bit spiritual, where you could come over the mountain and all of a sudden you'd see a Buddhist landscape fog.

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!